and you thought yours was bad

November 30, 2009

i’ll admit, my family is crazy, but we tend more towards shunning than blowout fights. certainly none of our holidays has ever turned out like these ones. a sample:

Roughly 13 years ago my family got together at my parent’s house for Thanksgiving. My step mom and her brother have always had a “tumultuous” relationship. After dinner they got into an argument over who loved their long dead mother more. Shit was thrown around, plates broken, the usual. My dad tried to calm them down to no avail. So, he decided he had to distract them. He’d just gotten a Dodge conversion van, so he went out and fired it up and started ramming it at the cars of all our relatives – totaling roughly 10 cars until my step mom and uncle noticed and stopped fighting with each other in order to yell at him.

in fact, my best (and favorite) story of holiday calamity involves cooking and not fighting. when i was 8, we spent thanksgiving in monterey with my mom’s best friend. in the course of cooking dinner, they set the oven on fire twice (once wasn’t enough). then the power went out, and my brothers and i were convinced that they had been responsible for this somehow.

it’s mildly amusing, but really only if you were there. it’s not dramatic, and no one ended up in jail. which makes for boring stories, but at least i never had to bail anyone out after midnight on a holiday.


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